Stimming

Stimming is a repetitive movement involved in self-stimulation. Autistic individuals often stim to help remain calm and concentrated. The poem was composed briskly in response to a phone call I had gotten from a close friend, informing me they were drinking at a shindig. Once our conversation ended, I hung up the phone and immediately jotted down this piece. 

Stimming

by The Sven-Bo!

A swift thrust of the thumb

And you return to the hot liquid – 

Misleadingly hot,

Stinging warmth –

That fans your bursting laughter. 

“I’m fine,” you say

and I will worry,

but swallow my doubts,

with a swift thrust of the thumb, 

set aside your reassurance

to debate with my apprehensions.

You have done this before

and will wake up tomorrow 

of sound mind,

while I wait up several more hours,

though still awaken earlier,

downtrodden.

“I’m fine,” you say,

“Don’t worry”

and yet I will.

I will. 

I will mull over convictions

and heartfelt opinions,

while you betray them.

I will meditate upon the question

of whether or not I should mention this

and you will remain oblivious

in your pleasure.

A swift thrust of the thumb,

a sticking click,

that segregates

and leaves me to my groggy

stomach churning.

You will return to your entertainment

with teeth shone white

and I will write to distract myself

from fears you will not know,

to pour my coffee in the morning.

A few swift thrusts of the thumbs,

in conjunction with its siblings,

to take note of this seething anxiety

that presently persuades.

“I’m fine,” you say,

“Don’t worry”

and yet I will.

I will. 

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