The Smell of Money: Skullduggery

Cha-ching!

Have you ever rationalized through the use of money? Have you ever tried to trace back its original usage to discern how it developed into the way we use it today? I recognize the practicality with which it was employed, but in its present incarnation - everyone trying to maximize acquisition while minimizing loss, catching things while they're on sale, buying things with nonexistent money, and then accruing more money for not returning the money you didn't have in the first place - it seems to be no more than a farce. Morality is tossed by the wayside as the precession of the financial parade rolls by. A man is measured by the quality of his work, not the quality of his heart. In a corporate world, there are no allies.

There are some who have bowed at the feet of the Almighty Dollar, evoking its compassion and reaping of its supposed benefits. Though, it seems rather incongruent that our dreams and aspirations should come with a steep price tag. Is it non-negotiable? Sorry, but I'm on a budget. Why should we be limited by an economic reality? I see no Wall Street in nature. Does my soul carry a credit score? It seems ironic that currency is almost entirely made of cotton, while it rarely keeps us warm. I have met far more wealthy men with a poor character than I have met penniless men without a rich one.   
   

In whom does God's money trust?

Skullduggery

Walk alone

On a jagged road

No place to go

No home

To call my own

Want the best of this world with an empty pocket

Seal it up tight in a box or locket

Collect all the reveries and memories

And make a heart shaped balloon to take me far away from here

Thank God for imagination

My one way trip

My final destination

Wrapped me in the wounds of expectation

And sow me up tight

Don’t want any representation

No paperback dream

No voice to scream

No hands to bleed

And no eyes to free 

A faceless meaning in a blank dictionary

An insignificant dot in the obituaries

No synonyms

No acronyms

Wasted soul set to sail on a boat full of holes

Doomed to sink into this deep sea of wishes

That had to come true

Windowpane of longing

See, but don’t touch

No, can’t touch!

Need to prove to everyone something that can’t be seen

But you can lie to everyone, as long as you’ve got the “green”

Walleted world we live in

Everything is fraudulent

Set to mock and shun us

Make fun of us

The door to beauty stained

Tainted with the fingerprints of the deranged

Czar

President

King

Emperor

Ruler of the world

A filthy world

Lovely and once beautiful

She’s all that we’ve got

So you rape her

Deprave her

Try to escape her

Live in her womb while you try to claim her

Feeding off her insides

Glutton!

Tarring out her eyes

While you see nothing!

Bruise and break her

But she’s still prettier than you

So goodbye!

I won’t accept this play anymore

Theater of puppet strings

You pull while we push

Scars and calamity

Always dying in vain

Because we know

All those fingers

Are jammed back in your face 

Stringing You Along: Corsage, Croissant, Crochet, Croquet

We've all been backstabbed by someone we thought we knew. Someone we loved who reciprocated only to snuff it out; a friend we confided in who spilled the precious beans; a risk taken only to result in failure. Sometimes it is intentional. Other times no one can rightfully be blamed. Spite and anger always seem to be the first emotion resorted to in such instances. Perhaps there is some evolutionary explanation as to why. Perhaps there is a savage benefit to spitting in the face of something that once was.

Venting is a healthy way of dealing with such intense reactions, especially if they are out of our control. Sometimes, the powers that be ordain things that cannot be shaped by our attempts to change them; when one half of a duel party refuses to alleviate the situation, the other half must depart. Providing yourself with a robust route of dispensing of your anger and spite will prove far better for the heart and mind in the long run than bottling it up or even allowing it to burst forth. 

That's why the arts are so important: Music, painting, photography, writing all provide the most successful and healthy routes of attenuation. Hatred never helped anyone - Go write a poem!  

Corsage, Croissant, Crochet, Croquet

Swallow your tongue…

Digest your own weak imaginings!

Essence I shall bung;

Oh, how I would love to cleanse your muddy footprints

From this place.  

Demystify the fossils;

Fill in the cavities with concrete,

Like the lungs you falsely filled,

While you don’t deserve to breath!

You cauterized the dagger

That now wriggles in my back,

A joystick that you grab

To lead me along

This Mobius path.  

I will take quick pleasure

In ripping it free!  

A champagne rain to bath and boil bloody mead.

I pulled you from the sand, but left you dangling from a string;

Freedom isn’t gathered with a shackle or a stitch,

It doesn’t matter if you feed or beat the bitch,

It will bite you back.  

I found myself in a bathroom stall,

I was fading painting on a peeling wall,

It was a porcelain kind of forever

In a plastic canon ball.  

I’ll throw shrapnel in the eyes of all you so fiercely guarded

And all the opportunities you so sweetly pardoned.

A figment of fiction is truth in all its vindications

And now the threat is imminent,

A valedictorian vendetta;

A glistening inscription.

Your accord has been cut,

Raped in your wedding dress,

Grinding off the malaise

As the partitions you press

To get drunk off the plaster.  

I’ll place the coin beneath your tongue before the trumpets begin to play

If that’s not proof of a foreclosed heart,

Than what more do you want me to say?

I HAVE A BOOK COMING OUT

I'm still working on the title, but it will be a collection of poetry with an overarching theme of death. I'm shooting for an April, 2013 release. Stay tuned for more details! 

Destructive Criticism: The Worst Decision

A lot of people are self-defeating. We take external pressures, flaws inherent in others that are too often deposited on ourselves, and allow them to persuade us to change. We attempt to conform to the demands of society, the people around us, or even global trends without a thought for the consequences. There are a lot of people walking around with a skewed sense of self - a definition of identity built from years of constantly attempting to quell the murmurs of others. As a result, many of us are disillusioned and unhappy, and are sincerely unaware as to why. We have inadvertently and systematically killed ourselves.

A path to find yourself...

All ultra-violence aside, a flawed self-identity is precisely the catalyst that leads to flaws in the self-identities of others. When we are unhappy with who we are, we impart onto others that unhappiness, which breeds further self-damaging behavior in both parties. One is far too often the cause of their own demise and the seed-sower of others'.

With the harkening of 2013 upon us, a time for unkept resolutions, it is time you began listening to who you are and began committing to your own sense of self. When others pressure you to conform or modify to fit their moulds, instead of objectifying yourself to pull out the "flaws," fortify the uniquenesses you know and strengthen the self you deserve to be. Idolize yourself, learn to love every "mistake" and "shortcoming" that makes you you, and commit to changing things about yourself for you and no one else. You must make it a habit; the self is in a constant state of construction, of becoming. You have the potential to be your own messiah or your own murderer.

Down, but not out!

In the end, 

it's you who listens to the bullshit others have to say.             

The Worst Decision

Death is not an easy prize to gain:

You can’t just fill out the slip and,

‘Please, clearly sign your name.’

Suicide is not something I would prescribe,

No matter how you deem it worth the loss,

There’s no reason you should have to die.

Hold tight to what you have,

It's more than just evolving remnants of mom and dad,

It's choices that carve up the past

And shape the future

That only you can make last.

May I proceed to cure the beast,

To solidify the righteousness conceived?

Are these the weights you wish to bequeath,

To pin the guilty hand on me?

Ring you out like a sponge;

Set you off like a gun;

Sever the cord of a broken spine;

You’re a book, but they judge what lies inside.

Whet the palette and rub the scars.

Dig your own grave to reach for the stars.

Sharpen a knife on a fork;

Buy into family, but shoot down the stork.

Bundled up peace – beat like a dog.

Swallow the key – sleep like a log.

Let go of all the things you've lost.

Don’t kill yourself to survive the battles fought.

Self-destruction stops permanent construction;

Soul disjunction nullifies finding your function.

Never choose to be the victim or the killer,

Or, even, the weapon of your own murder. 

Sandy Hook Reaction: Tête-à-tête UPDATE

There is a tragic epidemic spreading across the United States. I'm not quite sure where it began or how the infection started, but it appears to be growing. It is characterized by intense violence directed at your fellow man.

The atrocious events that took place a week ago in Newtown, CT have brought to the fore issues that have been teeming at the heart of this outbreak for quite some time. The brutality exhibited is tied into other circumstances surrounding American culture today. Why, with so much technology, are we so alienated from one another? Why do we choose to communicate through a screen rather than face to face? Bullying is nothing new, but when it is exhibited on the internet, it becomes property of the world, leading to an all new breed of anxiety. Suicide runs rampant. The pathways in place to keep us connected have drawn us apart. An older gentleman told me he used to hitchhike everywhere in the 1970's, but now he wouldn't dare set foot in a stranger's car. What the hell happened to us?

The politics in place on the television and on our radios only mask the true issues at hand. The way in which media networks have reported on recent events attests to our addiction to entertainment. We are becoming crueler and further alienated from one another. We are surviving off of stigma, force fed dramatized reality, being lobotomized by primetime televised genocide, and it is corrupting our genes.

We must, together, persevere to reverse this growing calamity. No amount of diplomatic bickering and institutionalized rights can alleviate the American people of responsibility. We must collectively embrace our identities as human, as American, and work together to save each other, from each other, from ourselves. There is a civil war occurring in our hearts and it is spilling out into the streets. The only way we can win this war is through love - Love for ourselves and our fellow human beings.

Tête-à-tête: A Reflection on School Shootings in Two Parts 

I.

There are few things that I hold unjustifiable.

Few acts persist with purity

As inarguably heinous

As the senseless murder

Of the innocent…

The helpless and

The defenseless

In public places.

A mall,

A movie theatre,

A church,

But none more despicable

Than a school.

There is nothing more tragic

Than when utmost ignorance

Conquers a safe haven of education,

As if chains had suddenly conquered their keys.

The only time books and bullets should share the same space

Is in a social studies book;

The only time a child should have to smell gunpowder

Is on the Fourth of July.

No one should have their innocence

Ripped away from them;

No one should have to die

In a classroom.  

I sympathize with the mentally ill,

The delusional,

The misinformed,

But I cannot sympathize  

With those that deliberately take the lives of students  

In a violent act of self-aggrandizement.

I cannot pool my pity

For this monstrosity;  

For the purity of evil it distils.

The thought processes required

To compel a human being

To massacre children and young adults

Is an infectious adulteration

That strikes at the crux of a person’s humanity,

Transmutating them into something

Far more vile,

More disgusting than I think any one of us is capable of conceiving.

But anger…

And vengeance,

And hatred

Are not the answer.  

This is not about gun control

Or mental health issues,

This is about the worth of the human character.

This is about the need to act,

To quell the spread

Of this infectious disease.

To save the lives of the innocent

We must save the lives of those who seek to kill them.

We must stop the beasts

Before they feed.

Realize that

The shooter was innocent too once.  

We must learn to support each other,

Through love and acceptance.

We must learn to read the signs of danger

And to act on them,

To save the perpetrators from themselves.

They will thank you…   

We can no longer be afraid to help one another,

To fear the stigma,

The backlash.

It is a chore that must be undertaken by each and every one of us,

To winnow out the demons that possess our fellow man.

Build a gun that shoots bullets of compassion…

And we can blow away this mess. 

II. 

I am so sorry

For what has happened here…

So sorry

For what your fellow man has done.

The love that binds you

To the loved ones you have lost

Binds us all together

In the wake of this tragedy. 

The memory of their beauty,

The grace with which they have touched our lives,

Will no less persist

In my mind

And heart

Than in yours.

Let us,

Together

In our collective sorrow,

Reflect on them

With the confidence

That their death  

Will ensure the world is made

A better place.

I am so sorry

For your loss…

For my loss…

For our loss,

For the loss to humanity.

I am so…

So sorry

That my poem

Cannot bring them back.   

This poem is dedicated to the memory of all those who have lost or given their lives as a result of a mass shooting. My love and my words go out to the families of those lost and anyone else who is connected to or has been affected by a public shooting. 

God Bless America  

UNDATE
A recording of this poem can now be found on the ReverbNation profile. Check it out and share it with your friends! 

Call For Submissions to "The Hearts Series"

I need your help. 

Some of you may have noticed, here on the blog and on the Facebook page, that I have a photo series entitled "The Hearts Series." The purpose of the series is to capture heart images in everyday life so that we can each learn to appreciate the little miracles that surround us. 

I am calling upon my readers and fans to become a part of this lovely project. All you have to do is take pictures of hearts that you find in your day to day hustle and bustle and send them to me at licardist@gmail.com. Picture quality does not matter, iPhone or Canon, as long as people can tell what they're looking at. The only requirement is that they have to be FOUND: They can't be made by you just for the sake of taking a picture. A few of my friends have already contributed to this project, and now I'm opening it up to everyone!

Email a copy of your pictures to licardist@gmail.com along with: Your name and a short description of the photo (what it is of and where it was taken). I will desplay the pictures on the Facebook page along with the name and short descriptions you provide.   

I'm looking forward to seeing what you guys turn up, so get out there and find those hearts!   

What's the Harm in Fantasy?: Concrete Balloon & Cloud Cover

To be a good writer, you have to know how to pretend. You have to be willing to talk to yourself, to act out a scene, to think abstractly, and to experience things that cannot be experienced. You have to be an expert in the world that you create. You have to be its God.

For the most part, life isn't very concrete, if you think about it. Certainty is, itself, a fantasy. It is the illusion of certainty that keeps us comfortable, but every so often something comes along and jars that comfortability. I think good writing taps into this uncertain aspect of life. That meager "What if?" that persists is played upon in the act of reading, and a good writer can make it feel real. Indeed, sometimes, the more abstract something is, the more concrete it feels. We can impart onto it any meaning we want and make it a part of ourselves. The more ludicrous the premises, the more attractive the conclusion.

A good story gives us the gift of flight. It gives us the ability to fly to someplace beyond our everyday existence. It is a vacation taken between two flyleaves; page trekking, if you will. And the writer is your tour guide. No one should be punished for daydreaming a little - That's how writers workout! The mind is a xanadu, if you furnish it well. We need fantasy to set goals. Our ideas of the future are constructions of something that doesn't yet exist. And I strongly believe that to reach for the stars, you have to put your head in the clouds.      


Concrete Balloon

When you fall into my eyes
I feel like I can fly,
As if awakening a sleeping dream
Inside a concrete balloon.
Beestings hold my soul together,
But I've been pruned.
You plucked my final feather
And how my wings will carry me now,
I can only assume.
My shoes are coming loose,
While these fragile wings flicker,
To be harvested from my back
And chewed.
I curl my limbs in
To stretch the skin over my eyes.
As gravity absconds me
And leaves the ambiance to hang like a noose,
I drag my concrete balloon.
Drowsy eyes you tumble through,
Shattering and smattering
My mind with you.    
Shards of glass protrude
Through perfect skin,
Through blood and bruise.
Outstretch your hands to catch
The ground and drown in the swoon.
Let the sky dilute
All of you.
You and I
We fly like concrete balloons.

Cloud Cover

There is an endless sea
That lies beyond the sky
Where every little mistake
And hurting
Are cast aside
Where the wooden hulls of happiness
Never crack
Where the heart-shaped waves
Never break
Where the shores of pain and longing
Are never met
And where the highflying sun
On the wings of love
Never sets

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Learning To Appreciate Things: I Am Thankful

How often do we stop to be thankful for the things we have? The simple things, like four walls, a full fridge, and a cat. But even simpler things, I think, deserve thankfulness: Like this computer or phone screen, or the shoes on your feet, or the paint on your nails, or even that bruise you got the other day. Why be thankful for a bruise? Why be thankful for a scar? Why be thankful for heartache?

Life has a silly way of being precious. There are things we take for granted that, even when we think of the things we take for granted, we don't think about. Like... solid ground... or birds singing... or being betrayed. A lie can even be cherished. What if you had ended up with that boy or girl who broke your heart? The childish love that never was - what if it had been? Maybe if you had you would have never learned to love yourself. The good and the bad, in time, are equalized.

I had the idea for this poem two years ago, but finally got around to writing it this year. It's meant to be a Thanksgiving poem, so I wrote it on Thanksgiving morning. Hopefully, in reading it, you can learn to appreciate things you hadn't before. Its purpose is to remind us that, even in the darkest moments, there is something worth being thankful for. In the end, everything has a silver-lining.  

I Am Thankful 

I am thankful

For eight fingers

And two thumbs

I am thankful

For two legs

And two arms

I am thankful

For vision

For sight  

For foresight

I am thankful

For taste

For smell

For touch

For speech

For an intact mind

I am thankful

For an empty stomach

Because it reminds me of what real hunger is

I am thankful

For a hungry mind

For curiosity

For inspiration

I am thankful

For ideas

For convictions

For concepts

For virtues

I am thankful

For fear

Because fear gives us something to conquer

And something to keep us in our place

I am thankful  

For tears

I am thankful

For mistakes

For being able to make mistakes

For being able to learn from my mistakes

For being sorry

For my mistakes

I am thankful

That I am not perfect

Because if I was

I wouldn’t need a reason to strive for better

I am thankful

For strife

I am thankful

For struggle

For hope

For faith

For being let down

I am thankful

For pain

For pain

For pain

For pain

Because when pain comes

It makes you want to forget what it means to feel

Because when pain comes

I want it to leave

And when it leaves 

I am thankful

Because pain reminds us of the beauty of contentment

It reminds us of how petty some things are

How real some things are

How fake some things are

I am thankful

For loss

Because it reminds us of what we still have

I am thankful

For memories

For being able to remember

I am thankful

For being able to forget

To forgive

I am thankful

For forgiveness

I am thankful

For love

The ability to love

For unrequited love

For lost love

I am thankful

We never were together

I am thankful

We couldn’t make it work

I am thankful

You didn’t love me back

I am thankful

For loneliness

For giving me a reason to listen to myself

For loneliness

For teaching me to love myself

I am thankful

For words

For language

For expression

I am thankful

For your attention

For your eyes

And your ears

And your tongues

I am thankful

For community

For friendship

For family

I am thankful

For my companions

I am thankful

For my mother

For my father

For my brother

For my grandparents

And my great-grandparents

And my great-great-grandparents

I am thankful

For my blood

I am thankful

For happiness

For humor

For laughter

Because the only thing stronger than your will to live

Is your laugh

And I am thankful    

For the stars

Because without them

The chemicals in my DNA

Would have never been

Because without them

I would have nothing to reach for

I am thankful  

For breath

For existence

For consciousness

For life

And all the baggage it comes with   

I am thankful

That I have been given the opportunity to exist

And to be thankful

I am thankful

I am thankful 

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