Cross My Heart and Hope to Write

INCLUDING ORIGINAL POETRY, SHORT STORIES, ESSAYS, AND NOVELLAS, ALONGSIDE ARTWORK AND PHOTOGRAPHY
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Sunday, June 19, 2011

Stimming

Stimming is a repetitive movement involved in self-stimulation. Autistic individuals often stim to help remain calm and concentrated. The poem was composed briskly in response to a phone call I had gotten from a close friend, informing me they were drinking at a shindig. Once our conversation ended, I hung up the phone and immediately jotted down this piece. 
Stimming
by The Sven-Bo!

A swift thrust of the thumb
And you return to the hot liquid – 
Misleadingly hot,
Stinging warmth –
That fans your bursting laughter. 
“I’m fine,” you say
and I will worry,
but swallow my doubts,
with a swift thrust of the thumb, 
set aside your reassurance
to debate with my apprehensions.
You have done this before
and will wake up tomorrow 
of sound mind,
while I wait up several more hours,
though still awaken earlier,
downtrodden.
“I’m fine,” you say,
“Don’t worry”
and yet I will.
I will. 
I will mull over convictions
and heartfelt opinions,
while you betray them.
I will meditate upon the question
of whether or not I should mention this
and you will remain oblivious
in your pleasure.
A swift thrust of the thumb,
a sticking click,
that segregates
and leaves me to my groggy
stomach churning.
You will return to your entertainment
with teeth shone white
and I will write to distract myself
from fears you will not know,
to pour my coffee in the morning.
A few swift thrusts of the thumbs,
in conjunction with its siblings,
to take note of this seething anxiety
that presently persuades.
“I’m fine,” you say,
“Don’t worry”
and yet I will.
I will. 

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