Humbleness: Why I Am Weak/Strong

Humbleness is a virtue.

It can be maintained while still adhering to confidence and self-love. Our importance is personal, both in the grand scheme of things and our relationships with others.

"How can humbleness be maintained if everything depends on you? Shouldn’t that inevitably lead to a sense of grandiosity?"

Reality is projected outward from within; you shape your world. In this regard, you are responsible for the world and everything in it. And yet, remember, so is everyone else. The opinions and beliefs that shape your way of looking at the world are yours and no one else’s, while those that shape the worlds of others are likewise not yours. Be humble, for we all live in the world together, a world colored in by the way we see things. It makes us weak, but it also makes us strong. Build your world up, but ensure it does not encroach on the world of others. Do not hold it too high nor let others tread upon it. Have a sense of humor!

Worship it and let it worship you…

Why I am weak –

         I am weak because I think I’m strong.
My Atlas dislocated both his shoulders
In an attempt to hold my world higher 
Now my providence is a porcelain rain
Shards of former confidence to nourish 
Weeds I swore I cleaned from gardens
         I gleaned in dreams I never had
My Atlas is a double amputee
         And I hold his burden now.

Why I am strong –

         I am strong because I know I’m weak. 
My Universe is spinning 
Around angels dancing on the head of a pin
Now my chaos is gluing wings together
Parachutes of humbleness to cup
Breeze-gulps I gather up and cherish
         The fairish wisdom I needed to fly
My Universe is smiling at me
         Because I make it laugh.

The Hand You're Dealt: If I Looked Like What I've Been Through

Don't hate the hand you've been dealt. It is your gift, your plight, and it is up to you to use it to better yourself and the world around you. Greatness lies on the outskirts of suffering. Struggle is the guarantee that the direction you are going in is the right one. Nothing grand is achieved without effort. You are in control of your destiny; you can get out of this mire, this bog that imprisons you. The chains that bind you are figurative for a reason.

I have seen men claw their way back from the brink of self-destruction. No string of bad decisions is beyond repair. We all struggle - often through similar situations, experiences, and tragedies. Telling your story can empower others to tell theirs, to create a network of support, to provide an example of how you can save yourself and others from the demons that haunt each of us. Remember... there is always someone who will miss you in the end. No one is forgotten and evil is always conquered by good. Always.

After being diagnosed with a Pervasive Developmental Disorder, I grew up among a lot of kids with dubious futures. Many have gone on to lead beneficent, productive lives. We are survivors. You are a survivor. We each carry the battle scars of our own personal civil wars, but we don't always wear them with pride. Our medals, our purple hearts, hide just beneath the skin - the silent aggrandizements of our perseverance. Own your struggles. Use them to make you stronger. To make us stronger.

What would you look like if you looked like what you've been through?

I must stress that I do not condone self-harm. Please never hurt yourself. Seek help.

If I looked like what I've been through
I'd have the face of a woman
and a man
contorted into a kind of in-between
delicate and masculine
with eyes that pierce and lips that tempt
with a jaw of glass that slices like obsidian
and a brow that collects beads of sweat
where ideas fall to their deaths

If I looked like what I've been through

my face would be scarred with age 

ancient memories tucked under my tongue 

to escape is archaic speech 

wisdom exuding, 

bleeding through childlike curiosity 

a fascination 

that hints at an old soul

inside a young heart

If I looked like what I've been through
I'd have a heart where my brain is supposed to be
I'd have a brain where my heart is supposed to be
and they'd constantly be switching
thinking, feeling
fighting for what is right
neither able to decide who is winning 

If I looked like what I've been through
I'd be dressed in a three piece straitjacket
with cufflinks
dressed to the nines in a canvas tux
with the images that cloud my mind painted on
a metaphor for my artistic fervor
my former affliction replaced with a brilliance
no less insane

If I looked like what I've been through
I'd have cuts so deep in my wrists
my hands would bend back as if attached with hinges
I'd have bible pages rolled up and tucked inside the veins
unfinished poems
dollar bills
that I'd unroll from time to time
to remind me
to hold on

If I looked like what I've been through
my blood type would be ink
and you would see it coursing
in sentences and verses
just beneath my skin

If I looked like what I've been through
my skin wouldn't be able tell you what race I am
but you would still judge me
I'd have the misplaced morality of a Christian
the pantheon of a Hindu
the hope of an atheist
and the history of a Jew

If I looked like half as much as I've been through
I'd only be half a person
an incomplete masterwork
a magnum opus
loaded only with dummy bullets
I wouldn't have half the passion
that bleeds like beads of sweat from my gaping pores
in rivulets of syntax
that I dab with looseleaf paper
to preserve
what I've been through

If I looked like what I've been through...
you wouldn't even see me
you would only see the things that make me me 
but they are not me
I am so much more than what I have been through... 

I am infinitely stronger